Sub-Par Sort-of Boyfriend I Want That Scandalous Photo Back.

Katie, 25, Magazine website editor

Maybe I was feelin’ the moment. Or rather, myself. I actually don’t know why I thought it was a good idea, but it was probably more my insecurity with the relationship than my actual feelings for you. Hell, I was young. In either case, Sub-Par Sort-of Boyfriend from back in the day, I’d like that scandalous picture I took of myself back.

I’m a big kid with real responsibility now and I’m no Kim Kardashian. I can’t be having that kinda stuff popping up on the internet.

I thought it was hot at the time. I felt all liberated and shit, like hey who needs the internet? You’ve got me. But looking back, you didn’t really deserve it. Not that it was even too crazy (’cause I’m a classy broad) but from what I hear you’re a big loser now who just may even (still) be in jail.

At first, your wry smile upon receipt of this generous gift was worth all the ridiculous effort exerted trying to take a sexy photo of oneself by oneself. That whole timer thing on cameras? Yeah, I still don’t know how to work that, so I resorted to trying to make my right arm as long as humanly possible while maintaining some sort of pose that wouldn’t make me want to throw up upon later viewing and capture the mood lighting all at once. Let’s just say it’s tricky stuff and I now know why real models have an entire team to help them look good on film. It’s not easy, guys.

You loved it, but after I showed it to you, I immediately felt slightly stupid – somewhat akin to a dog awaiting a Beggin’ Bacon strip. Well, maybe not that bad. But I felt as though I’d given up a bit of power. And I had. Which is why now, upon more mature reflection, dude I’d like that photo back.

Shit, I hope my current boyfriend never reads this. ‘Cause those photos I gave you baby, those were for real, from my heart.

Babe?

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