You do a nice thing—lend a girl your flannel to keep her warm, for example—and then you find yourself flanelless. Life isn’t supposed to work like this, right?

Share your misery. Get your stuff back. Tell us: who’s your Chelsea?

What we’re looking for: Stories about anything you’ve lost, tangible or intangible, because someone took it and didn’t give it back. (I know, how rude!)


You can either submit a one-or-two-liner about something you want back, or a whole story about it. In either case we need your name, your age, and your profession.

Please subject your email like this: Person I Want My Something Back.

We’re not here to slander anyone. While we do appreciate and empathize with your loss, we aren’t meanies. We know that you are upset. Still, if you call someone a bitch in the first sentence, we probably won’t publish your story (except, let’s say, if they stole your VHS of Reality Bites or they worked at Bitch magazine). It’s just good manners.

This works best if you use real first names. No last names allowed. If you really, really don’t want to use your actual first names, acronymize.

For all you little Dostoevskys out there, try to keep your stories somewhere between brief and reasonable. And if you have photos or drawings, send those along, too!

You can email us:

or send us things through the mail:

P.O. Box 3630/Oakland, CA 94609

Maybe you’ll get your stuff back.

We’re bitter. But we’re hopeful, too.


3 responses to “Submit!

  1. Natalie I want my boots back…..

    My freshman year of college, Halloween. Natalie, a friend of mine. Well, not really a friend. I knew her from high school and she was in most of my classes, but ran with a different crowd. She was going as Batgirl and needed some knee-high black boots to go with her costume. I graciously loaned her a pair of industrial black boots that were perfect for her costume. I loved those boots, they were unique and pretty much kick-ass. She never returned them, although I saw her many times through out our college years. This was over 10 years ago, and she probably doesn’t have them anymore, but it stills feels nice to bitch about it.

  2. Is acronymize really a word? If so, I must incorporate into daily usage…love it.

  3. Clare (Teachers Aide)

    Christian I want my disc 1 of Biggie’s “Life After Death” back. I lent you the disc at the end of German class. I assumed that you would return the disc. I mean you seemed like a decent human being. You were friend with my friends, you even knew my fucking father. Still 13 years later I can’t listen to “Kick in the Door” when the mood strikes me because of your selfish ass. I want my effing disc back, and if you don’t give it back I’m going to tell you child (when it grows up) what an selfish douchbag it has for a father.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s